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Meltdown happening now?
Use this if your child is already dysregulated.
- 1Keep everyone safe — move anything dangerous out of reach.
- 2Reduce noise and light — turn things off or dim them if you can.
- 3Get down to their level and get quiet — lower your voice, speak less.
- 4Stop talking — no lectures, no questions, no reasoning right now.
- 5Wait — big feelings pass. Stay nearby without pushing.
- 6Repair later — problem-solving comes after everyone is calm.
Avoid during the storm
ArguingThreatsConsequences"Calm down.""Use your words."Repeating instructionsAsking "why did you do that?"
Remember
- You don't have to fix the behaviour.
- You don't have to teach a lesson right now.
- You don't have to win the argument.
- You only need to help your child feel safe enough to return to calm.
This behaviour is the clue, not the problem. You don't have to get it perfect. You just have to be their safe place.
Need to steady yourself first?
You can't support your child if your own nervous system is in survival mode. These are optional if you need a moment first.
- Take three slow, deep breaths — in, hold, out.
- Have a sour sweet — it helps reset your nervous system.
- Place an ice pack or something cold on your wrists.
- Repeat to yourself: "My child is having a hard time."
- Relax your shoulders and unclench your jaw.
If anyone is in immediate danger, prioritise safety and seek appropriate local professional or emergency support.